Sleep deprivation is awful. And the reason for my sleep deprivation is due to me being this great friend who is always worried about other people's life. And that sucks... Because I suffer for my problems and I suffer because my people have problems too... And it gets usually worst when I cannot find words too help them... And that is when I get bad again... I was waking up every hour worried about my friend, waiting to hear or read something on my iphone, some news, and this morning i woke up with those news that i spend all night waking up waiting for.
I start to over think about me being selfish and annoying again, and don't really wanna get out of the house, unless i really have a good reason too (like school) or someone is requesting my help, and everything explodes in my mind, I don't want to see friends, or talk to anybody, or eat, or drink, or sleep, I just want to lay in my bed and read until it's over and start something new, like non stop reading. But I can't. I am still alive.
School starts thursday and I am scared of being left alone. Everyone has someone to be with and when I look around I have no where to feet in anymore. It sucks and it makes me feel really bad, unwanted, friendless, unhappy and scared, and to top it all it makes me vulnerable, because if someone wants to get closer to me, they can, because I have like no one to spend time with and makes me vulnerable to other people's jaws.
Last thursday I went to sleep crying because I re-watched tfios again and got scared of leaving all my life behind when i die.
i'm getting bad again (it's my conclusion).
Spreading Love,
Bá
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if you are here to try to make me feel bad, go away, save your time, if you're not feel free to write :D xx